You may have heard that Newman as in Paul now has a vanilla and chocolate wine on the market. I know it for truth because I got the press release today. What's the rule? The sillier the package the worse the wine? Got a Bowler in a box, two bottles, a DVD of Butch Cassidy (never saw it) and a bottle of cabernet and chardonnay.

For some reason, I decided to taste of recycling them. After all, I have friends who love his salsa!

Yeah, yeah, I know. Trinchero made them but still, it's Newman. He's supposed to be (or at least his daughter) is an organic kind of guys (or gal?). Who knows, he might even own a few hundred bottles of good stuff.

These bottles were heartstoppers. They exceeded expecations......of bad wine. At $16 dollars a bottle, they are almost tragic. Well, make that toxic. I have to say, my heart went out for him and the poor unsuspecting folk who might buy them. I know the proceeds go to charity but at what cost! Just make out the check and leave the wine behind (who said, no wine left behind?)

The chardonnay (2006? who cares) is billed as 13.7 etoh but the label says 13.5. God knows what it started out in life as. 18%? That wine was so vegetal underneath the Bright Flavors......so bright they have a Mag lite focused on the tropicale (fyi: This is not a typo, but a favored Alice twist on the word.). It is a puddle of tropical jello, in fact the texture is like it as well. And the burn, and the horrifying acidulation....well, it's a terrible toxic dump of a wine.

In comparison the cabernet is genius. But still bad with that pudding-like texture and reverse osmosis burn, and I can see a mad scientist stirring the pot to replace what nature didn't give it, like a nice berry and bell pepper aroma. They claim it was aged IN French and American oak (in? really? Don't they mean 'around?) "to marry into one harmonious Cabernet. It is so harmonious, that when you pour it down the drain (advisable) you can see the wine unravel and separate into silt and water. I've seen this before but never in such technicolor!

(While comments are suspended I'll make an attempt to cut and paste some below until I can find out the SPAM SOLUTION!)

COMMENTS:

This in from Jill in LA:

Was about to post a comment on the Newman's Own post -- have you seen the Clif Bar Winery products? Yes, wine made by the same folks who brought us the magnificent Clif Bar (pseudo-sports/health/energy snack). My guess is that they have such brand penetration in supermarkets (Trader Joe's and Whole Foods especially) that they figured it was a no-brainer for them to slap their label on a wine and push it through the same distribution channels. I suppose I'll be open to being proven wrong if a rep tastes me on the stuff (Henry Wine Group is handling in CA) but I'm skeptical. I think they're also shilling olive oil. Organic, I hope.

This in from Dave in the Bay Area:

Alice:
Who to believe, what to believe?
Here's what the Sac Bee's Mike Dunne says about Paul's latest efforts: http://www.sacbee.com/static/weblogs/dining/

But I'm not sure he's totally praising them when he calls the chardonnay as having "unusual complexity" and the cab as being "thick through the middle" and a "stew wine."
Oh well. I don't miss the movie, either.

(FOR THOSE WHO DON"T WANT TO FOLLOW THE LINK, DUNNE'S TAKE ON THE WINE IS:

The chardonnay is true to type, its ripe fruit running to pineapple and apple, with unusual complexity for an example of the varietal more at home as an aperitif than a companion at the dinner table.

The cabernet sauvignon is dense in color and thick through the middle, its herbal and cherry fruitiness shot through with suggestions of port. It's a stew wine, or better yet a wine to pair with saltena, the beefy, fruity and spicy Bolivian version of an empanada. )