Montesquieu? A lulu. - Appellation Feiring

A while back, you know, I can't remember, last month? I get a call from a very, very perky woman in Florida, I think she said that's where she was. She's acting like my new best friend. 'I got your name' .....hell...I can't remember where she got my name, at a cognac dinner? So I'm nice to her. She asks me about the kind of wines I drink and starts to pitch me on a cabernet. I'm a little slow on the uptake and I tell her she should probably read my book before she starts to pitch to me. 'I'll buy your book but you go to the website.' So I do and it's an e-tailer. We're still on the phone and I add, 'You'll find out if you do your research that I hate the word handcrafted when it comes to wine.' 'Great!' she says. I think she's a publicist. It never really occurs to me that she's out to fleece a red haired sheep. Just now, I see Out of Area on my caller ID. I'm expecting France. I get Florida. She reminds me. 'Hey! I read your book and I think I have a wine for you. Livia Fontana, Barolo. Have you ever been to Barolo?' she asks. At this point I'm eager to 86 her. 'I guess you bought my book but you didn't read it,' I say. She says she did. 'There's a chapter on Barolo there, it's kind of an important chapter. And as a matter of fact Livia is in my book.' 'Oh, you know her!' the woman bluffs. 'I met her. Yes. I've been to the vines and the winery.' 'Isn't she wonderful? And she loves us!' And then? Ms. Perky goes on to read me the Barolo tasting note, finishing up with what foods the wine goes well with. She is utterly focused on making this deal. 'What vintage is it?' I ask. 'It retails between $125 and $150, but we're selling it for $100.' she says with such enthusiasm she is utterly convinced that I will believe this Monday, with Saturn totally visible in the evening, is my lucky day. I think to myself, what happened to Livia? Did she get Parkerized by Antonio? The $ is awfully high.

I repeat, 'What vintage was what I asked.' 'Oh.2004.' 'Great. I'm sure it's lovely. I'm a poor writer. I think you have to go find someone with more money.Are you sure you want to be talking to me? ' The woman somehow is so dense she thinks as a wine writer I am going to embrace her sales perky pitch and continues to ask me, what kind of price range I'm in and she has plenty of wines under $25 dollars, even organic and biodynamic wines. 'Listen,' I say, 'I really have to go. I have to meet a man about a dog.' 'Great,' she says, so teflon-like I think she actually might be a smart computer phone drone. 'I'll call you again. And go to our website, the spirit of wine