Ever notice that the smaller the airport the stupider the security?
I got busted in Sacramento.
This tiny airport had the longest security lines I’ve seen.
Having arrived an hour before my flight--enough time for that dinky town--I quickly saw the line would take at least that to get through it. So I did what any desperate New Yorker would do, I jumped the line.
Then the little idiot asked me, “Do you have a plastic bag inside your carry on?”
"Yes. I do."
He opened the bag and with obvious joy of discovery. He started to drool with excitement and pulled out my dangerous toiletry kit, proceeded to discard $60 worth of moisturizer, $20 worth of hair product, but left my Email Diamante toothpaste (The red stuff. I just adore it.) and the most expensive pot of concealer I ever bought in my life (for those of you who care, it’s Kevin Aucoin’s and is worth every cent of $51).
Up until that point everything was grand. I had a very exciting visit to U.C. Davis. I felt calm. I felt happy (I know, how crazy is that?). And then this happened and like a grizzly I went from 0 to 90 on the anger level. I wanted to pummel the smarmy worker and hijack a plane to Europe, somewhere where I could travel by bike or train and never have another aiport experience and have a midget mind feeling me up, searching for pointed objects, smuggled wine or anti-aging creams again.
Look, if you added up the tidbits they didn’t even weigh 3oz. That wasn't the point. The lack of plastic zip lock bag was. I didn't buy a bag. A quart-sized zip lock bag.
Who is the bright light behind this security measure? Johnsons?
