Weekly Round-Up: Delicatessen

And I'm not talking the weedkiller. But if I could, I'd sprinkle some of (we're sustainable, we just use Round-Up) on a great big weed that has sprung up in my neighborhood. A scourge, a blemish on what once was a real neighborhood, now takes up real estate on the corner of Prince and Lafayette. This is the former home of the local favorite greasy spoon, Buffa's. The corner spot was boarded up for two years. When I returned from San Francisco, it was blasting its attitude into the world, waiting to ambush me. Meet Delicatessen. The name only brings up the bloody mess of the French movie of that name, but while the film was a riot of irony and fun, this place is a blight of pandering; style no substance. Oh it's loud. And oh, that wine list! They have "House wines." Meaning, Industrial wines. And they SHOULD have Industrial wines. It makes sense for this place. The price for drinking Industrial, mass produced wines range from $40-$78 and the typos and mistakes come free. Gruner Veltliner; Grooner, Austria Should we tell them that Grooner is not a wine growing region in Austria but a new Gruner on the market aimed at the Pinot Grigio market. It's $10 retail. Here? What about $40. Hey, another fun fact. Did you know that the Alta Vista (Premium?) Torrentes is not from Argentina but actually from ...Italy? And a steal at $44. (about $12 retail) Let's take that Hugel Gewurtz. (here spelled Gewrztraminer) Yours at retail for $17-$18? Yours here for $78 And I just love that they have blended MusArdel with Chardonnay. I make plenty of mistakes. I make plenty of typos. I dread them but they are an ASF reality. But they have the money to have some one proof. But here's where it all gets dangerous. There are actually things on that list I can drink and I do not understand why. I wasn't happy to see them there. This is not the equivalent of walking into CostCo and seeing Produttori del Barbaresco. It is more like when I walked into my uncle�s house a few years before he died--Jack was so cheap he squeezed the buffalo off the nickel-- and he showed me his 1982 Petrus. It was kept in a hot basement, locked in a file cabinet. The evaporation was good indication that he killed the juice. Ach, that's not it either. Help me out here. It's more that I see that these real wines are becoming a victim of their label. It's like putting a rock under glass and labeling it, "Terroir!" They have fashioned an "Artisinal" section. Who can resist the allure of drinking artisinally? But will anyone frequenting that hell hole of a restaurant know that under their 'Artisinal" section they shouldn't be spending $78 for the Domaine La Noblaie Chinon, or the $78 for the Domaine St. Nicolas Pinot. That is indeed delicious but yours for $21 or less in the stores. I just finished carrying up my Chambers Street Wine delivery up my five flights of steps. It's hot out. I'm dripping in sweat and that's when it hit. What am I more upset about, the stupid wine list and the wasting of some good wine on a cynical restaurant filled with posers and people who want to live the Carrie life? Or, am I more upset about duping the public with the pricing? That's when it hit. Someone forgot that the restaurant pricing policy usually is in between 3-4X WHOLESALE? Or am I trying to make excuses for a stick-em-up attitude. Stupid enough to come here for a loud, canned scene? Then pay up. Why was I there? I got a call from my friend Nancy who told me it was imperative I meet her there. She sounded scared. She sounded desperate. She needed help. It was 11pm. I ran. I was horrified. She just wanted some company. I said, let's blow this joint, but first I stole the wine list. We headed around the corner to Balthazar. A pichet of Domaine Pepiere muscadet? $18. It was spelled correctly. It was delicious. I was very happy. And I asked her please, don't make me do that again.